Non-Jews are for practice
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
