I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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