I wish my penis had an off switch
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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