i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
