That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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