i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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