420 ftw
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
