I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
