So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
