So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
