remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
