if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
