gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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