It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
