a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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