barbara walters just said penis...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
