I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
