Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
