guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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