ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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