Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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