i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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