I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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