My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
