i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
