My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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