I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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