My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..