My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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