one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements