I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.