I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn