i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
