I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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