So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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