So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
