friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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