Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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