Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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