Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
