my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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