a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
