I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
