Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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