Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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