Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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