I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
