Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
