and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
