Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
