I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
