im drinking this country out of the recession.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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