Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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