You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
