Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
whose parrot is this?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
