I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
