She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
