How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
