I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
