all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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