So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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