you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
