so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
