3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
