dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
