I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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