I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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