He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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