How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
