So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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