You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
