Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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