I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
