Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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