I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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