At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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