its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
