And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
