u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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