my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
