What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
