She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
