I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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