I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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