pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
